A Recipe That Has Never Contained a Pistachio (And That's Precisely the Point)

The Problem: You want pistachio butter, but pistachios cost approximately the same as a small house.

The Solution: This recipe, which is very nearly, but not quite, entirely unlike containing pistachios.

The Whimsical Recipe (In Verse, Because Why Not)

Take peanuts quite salty, so humble and brown, With peewee green peas that are dry and renown, Add wasabi peas (here's where things get keen!), For piquant adventure—a spicy cuisine!

Now blend them together with patience and care, Till smooth as a philosopher's thoughtful despair, What emerges is magic—I kid you no jot— A pistachio butter that pistachios are NOT!

The wasabi's the secret, the piquant delight, (Though some call it "spicy" and run off in fright), But for those who are brave and whose taste buds are keen, It's the cleverest trick that your blender has seen!

Now if you're the sort who needs energy more, Add raisins—sweet nuggets of sunshine galore! You've made Pistachio Trailmix Spread, don't you see? For hiking! For snacking! For spreading with glee!

🥜 The Peewee Pea Peanut Pistachio Piquant Trail Song 🥾

(To be sung with a bouncing hiking rhythm!)

Verse 1: Oh, take your peanuts by the heap, And grab those peewee peas so green! Toss 'em in the blender deep, The tastiest spread you've ever seen!

Blend and whirl with glee and might, Those peas and peanuts dance with pep! A pistachio dream takes flight— Now fuel your every hiking step!

Chorus: From Springer Mountain, hear our plea, To Katahdin's peak we'll be! With Pea-nut spread, we're wild and free, NoBo! SoBo! Piquantly!

The AT awaits with peaks to climb, The PCT through deserts wide, The CDT in summertime— With peas and peanuts as our guide!

Verse 2: For those who crave a spicy kick, Add wasabi peas—oh my! That piquant punch does quite the trick, It'll pep you up and make you fly!

And if you need more energy, Toss raisins in the mix with ease— Now it's Trailmix Spread, you see! Still starring those delightful peas!

Final Chorus: So spread it thick on bread with glee, Dream big of trails from sea to sea! The Triple Crown is calling thee— Pack your Peewee Pea-nut Piquants, and be free! 🏔️✨